The White House is considering overhauling interrogation techniques of suspected terrorists by creating a small team of professionals drawn from across the government, people familiar with the proposal told The Wall Street Journal.
The new unit, made of members of spy services and law-enforcement agencies, would be used for so-called high-value detainees, The Wall Street Journal reports. Who would be overseeing these new efforts remains unclear, but it would not be the Central Intelligence Agency, marking a clear shift from Bush-era policies.
The team would likely be charged with devising a new set of interrogation methods, a person familiar with the proposal tells the paper. Those techniques could be drawn from sources ranging from scientific studies to the psychology behind television ads.
The new interrogation team, if created, would represent the Obama administration’s effort to steer away from a contentious counterterrorism issue that has dogged the CIA and Justice Department since a U.S. network of secret prisons was revealed in 2005. (National Terror Alert)
It's going to be splendid! Coordinating with Tom Bodette of Motel 6, the administration has arranged it so the terror suspects will now have a nice mattress and someone to leave the light on for them. This will be topped off with being served cookies & milk before bed time. Any suspects found to be long lost relatives of Obama's will be given a free pass into the country and the guest room next to his mother in law at his Red Shed on the Hill.
As a way to gain useful information against their TNT laden vest wearing friends, these suspects will be treated to a day at the water park instead of a day of water boarding. There will be no bikini babes for lifeguards here... oh no -- they will be treated to hot babes in burquas strutting their stuff around as they sexily twirl their lifeguard whistles.
Showing our kindness and respect for freedom of religion, teams of Islamikaze clerics will be allowed open visits with the suspects. This will be allowed for inspection purposes to make sure we are treating our guests nicely -- this way the world will start to like us again. And of course the Islamikaze clerics will be allowed to give readings about the religion of peace from the Koran.
After learning they pose no threat, these jihadikaze suspects will be given full US citizenship.
So they are not a drain on society, they will have their choice of 7-11's or any other stale meat selling corner store located in the inner city. Here it will be much easier for them to conduct food stamp fraud and send the money back to their special charity back home. Gas Stations, Mosques and Madrasses will be selected on a lottery basis and those who had the most "Jihadikaze Play Friend of The Month" awards will be made airline pilots.
Their new homes will be in the suburbs. It has been studied that their free relocation into the homes of Americans being foreclosed on, will stop the problem of empty homes across the country. This will also aid in the Suburban Reunification Plan where out of work, now homeless middle class Americans are slowly integrated into the new Suburban Public Housing Units.
These "shovel-ready" rent subsidized units will be built with out of work Americans conscripted into the "Build America Now" program. If you are good, believe in this new change and get weak in the knees when you hear the Big O's name, you will be given a job at one of the government run auto plants or banks.
To keep paper work at a minimum and to guarantee fair banking practices, rent payments for their Suburban Public Housing Unit will be deducted immediately from their payroll check when cashed at the Bank of Osama. Oops, I meant Bank of Obama.