Muslim Guide to debating Infidels

The following is a satirical piece by Ayesha Ahmed to his muslim brothers. Click on the links in the story as you go.

From Persian Journal
By Ayesha Ahmed

Dear brothers and sisters in islam:

We live in kuffar country and daily we have to face the infidels who criticize Islam and our prophet, and who want to debate us. In an Islamic country if some one did that all we have to do is to announce loudly what he said and the rest is taken care of by an angry mob.

The critic is lynched in no time. End of the story.

However here we don't have that luxury as yet. Inshallah in forseeble future after we grow by conversions of morons and criminals in prisons, legal and illegal immigration and procreation we will, inshallah, become a majority and will not have to face this problem on daily basis. However, for the time being following is an approach all Muslim brothers and sisters can use when faced with such a pest. Jazakallah Khair. Inshallah the vermin will steer clear of you in future.

1. A popular question is "why Islam calls for death of Islamic critics and apostates". Insist that their info is false. Quote aya "to you your religion and to me my religion".

2. To answer "Islam spread with sword", say that it is a big lie spread by the right wing Christians, neo con jews and faithless hindus and that Quran clearly says " there is no compulsion in religion".

3. If the Bin Laden's jihad Fatwa of 1998 is quoted which orders mulim umma "to kill americans wherever they are found" which was also signed by top islamic clerics , say that those so called muslims /clerics have hijacked peaceful religion of islam and quote a part of aya 5.32 " killing one innocent is like killing the whole humanity".

4. If in response some one quotesall the violent ayas from Koran, accuse him of quoting ayas in bits and pieces and cherry picking .

5. If he then quotes full ayas and ayas before and after, than insist that the translation is wrong.

6. If he brings ten different translations than say correct meanings can be understood only by reading Quran in Arabic.

7. If he happens to be well versed in Arabic language than insist that those ayas don't mean what they appear to mean as they have allegorical meanings.

8. If he is adamant, than say you cannot understand those ayas without reading the context from hadiths and siras.

9. If he shows up with the hadiths and siras in hand and quotes the context of the violent ayas by referring to hadiths of prophet's rapes, robberies , assassinations and genocides then insist that "all hadiths and siras are heresay and are false, and only truth is in quran.

10. If they ask why you are doubting the history chrinicled by muslim scholars like imam Tabari , Ishaq and Bukhari, then tell them they were actually jews guise of as muslims.

11. If he says Quran is a man made book and wants proof of it's divinity then refer to the sciences in Quran and the book written by Dr. Bucaile confirming the sciences in our holy book. You can also quote that Mahatama Gandhi read Quran daily and also spoke highly of it.

12. If he says that Bucaile was on Saudi payroll and that nor he nor Gandhi ever changed their religions and that Bucaile was challenged and proven wrong by many experts then challenge him to ask his experts to debate islamists like Zakir Naik..

13. If the pests still hangs around then change the topic and find faults in other religions and their books.

14. If he continues on then use personal attacks and insult him by calling him a racist crusader, jewish a- hole , a Chinese pig or a hindu dog .

15. If that does not frustrate him, then ask him how much he is being paid by jews to throw dirt on Al Islam.

16. If he still does not stop then run for his mother and sister and use very filthy language.

17. If he is very stubborn and wants to continue, then curse him like "Burn in hell, you will repent on last day, Allah will get you in your grave" etc.

18. When all of the above has failed, threaten him with bodily harm and end the debate by drum beating and announcing that you won the debate hands down because Koran is the word of allah.

19. Definitely anounce about this debate victory in as many as possible popular islamist websites saying you had won it handily. Such announcements do wonders for the iman of muslim umma and for dawah operations in prisons to convince low IQ prisoners of the truth of Al Islam.