Saturday, May 31, 2008

Steaming Load Award - Bay State Buttheads


Steaming Load #1: Bay State Buttheads File Charges Against a Second Amendment Hero.

After his Family Crest Catering company was hit by a string of robberies, the firm’s owner, David Crest, got tired of waiting for the Hanover (Mass) cops to track down the rat bastard who had made off with at least $3,000 of his goods and equipment. If it kept up, he’d be put out of business.

With the police clueless, and no help whatsoever, David pieced together the clues and came up with a disturbing conclusion. One of his own employees was robbing him. Determined to catch the rat bastard in the act, David told his crew that he was going on vacation. With that established, David entered the place after everyone was gone, then hunkered down in his business office to wait for the thief to strike. The first night passed without a nibble, but, on the second night, the thief went for the bait.

Around 11pm, David heard noises coming from his kitchen. He heard the freezer door open and shut, then noted noises coming from the equipment room. Grabbing his Mossberg 500, a 12 gauge shotgun, he went out to confront the thief and got a nasty shock. The thief was his head chef, John F. O’Connor.

David ordered the thief to grab some floor, but O’Connor decided to run instead. His departure was hastened by two warning shots that David fired at the floor. Giving chase, he tried to shoot out the tires on O’Connor’s getaway ride. He missed, but, armed with the thief’s identity, he called the cops.

The Hanover police noted the obvious signs of an intruder - broken locks on the doors in the kitchen, the mess in the equipment room - then turned their attention to David. After taking David’s statement and taking custody of his gun, the Hanover police arrested DAVID, for ‘assault with a deadly weapon’ and ‘discharging a firearm within 500 feet of a dwelling’. Oh, they might run that thieving bastard O’Connor through the justice system hoops, too, but don’t bet the farm on it.

If this is how justice works in Hanover, I don’t blame Lady Justice for wearing a blindfold. In this case, don’t be shocked if you see her holding her nose to ward off the stench of the criminal INJUSTICE steaming load.

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