Someone should give this guy a beating!
Date Awarded: May 18, 2007
Girlieman: James Gambino
Antics: Being a whining, hypersensitive asshat
It all started back in 1919, when two fresh off the boat denizens of Campobasso, Italy, Michael and Emira Colacci, arrived in Louisville (Colorado) to build their own tribute to the American Dream. The adventure in capitalism is called the Blue Parrot restaurant, an eatery where coal miners like Michael could chow down with ‘fellow paisanos’. To enhance that heady Italian aura, one popular item became known - unofficially, at first - as the Wopburger.
Over the 88 years that the Blue Parrot has been serving tasty eats, the Wopburger went from ‘unofficial’ to an item listed on the menu. Everyone took it in stride and nobody found it demeaning or insensitive until an anal, whining piece of human crap named James Gambino arrived in town. In record time, this rat bastard was kicking up a fuss with the Blue Parrot’s current owner Joan Riggins (nee Colacci), granddaughter of Michael and Emira. He demanded that Joan drop 'wopburger' like a bad habit.
When Joan issued the equivalent of ‘bite me’, this whiner took this wound on his Italian heritage to the professional whiners at the D.C.-based National Italian American Foundation. Those caterwauling cretins fired off an letter to Joan:
‘...NIAF Chairman Dr. A. Kenneth Ciongoli wrote he was "alarmed to learn" of the you-know-what burger being on the menu. "Perhaps you are not aware that this is a pejorative term that insults the Italian American community," he added...’ (News)
Once again, Joan refused to budge. Unwilling to let this ‘offensive’ name stand, James "Whining Italian Piece of Shit" Gambino went after one of the Blue Parrot’s biggest customers, the local school district that accounts for at least 4% of the sales for a goodie called "Blue Parrot Sauce". That whine hit pay dirt when his caterwauling reached the ears of Bolder City School District’s director of food services, Linda Stoll. Ms. Stoll applied the relevant pressure on Joan and it worked. I regret to report that the name is being expunged from the Blue Parrot’s menu and will be replaced by ‘Italian Burger’.
For sticking his damn nose where it doesn’t belong...for being a caterwauling cretin who deserves to have his butt kicked...for being a festering boil on humanity’s butt, James "Reeking Pile of Crap" Gambino is PIG’s Girlieman of the Week.
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