From Politically Incorrect Gazette --
Girlieman of the Year 2007
Date Awarded: December 28, 2007
San Francisco cabbie, Michael Byrne (July 27th), made the short list of finalists when he caterwauled that his assigned cabbie medallion - that devilish numerology, 666 - gave him an incurable boo-boo.
James Gambino (May 18th) made the list by whining and carrying on that the Blue Parrot Restaurant’s (Louisville, Colorado) legendary Wopburger was an egregious insult to his Italian heritage.
Dingy Harry Reid (October 19th) was on the list for a variety of reasons, the most noteworthy of which was getting a world-class punking at Rush Limbaugh’s hands.
Senator Larry Craig (August 31st) was a contender for his inability to take the blame for his wide-stance actions, and take his ‘medicine’ like a man.
Bob Fish (September 21), the quivering tower of jello who is chief executive for an up and coming coffee wrangling company with 77 franchises around the USA, was near the top of the short list. Although nobody lodged a complain about the firm's name, Bob achieved that lofty status when he changed the name of his company from ‘Beaners Coffee’ to ‘Biggby Coffee’, because 'Beaners Coffee' might offend some hypersensitive Sombrero Stomper.
After giving it more thought than it deserves, I chose the following alleged man from the list, because his complaint was - still is - so utterly asinine, on every possible level:
Girlieman of the Year: Michael McDermott
Winning whine: "‘Dykes on Bikes’ gives me a boo-boo."
According to a professional scumbag, a Mexifornia shyster named Michael McDermott, he gets a painful boo-boo every time he hears the name of a legendary all gal biker gang from the Blight on the Bay. In fact, he is so distressed by the name "Dykes on Bikes" that he perpetrated a two year long legal fight to get the U.S. Patent and Trademark office to change its mind about granting the motorcycle club exclusive rights to the name "Dykes on Bikes". When this federal cabal told Mikey to buzz off, Mikey took the matter to federal court.
This week, a U.S. Court of Appeals for the Federal Circuit slapped Mikey down, by telling him that ‘men have no legal base for being offended’ by the name "Dykes on Bikes". Thanks to that decision, Mikey will be forced to man up during the festivities he calls "the Annual Illegal San Francisco Dyke Hate Riot". He’ll need to man up and learn to live with a name that he considers "disparaging to men and is scandalous and immoral". If, as Mikey claims, ‘he and all men are subjected to criminal attacks and civil rights violations during the march’, maybe he should stop going to the damn thing. Finally, he needs to grow a pair and get over his obsession that the word "dyke" is infused with a "deep obsessive hatred of men and the male gender".
Get over yourself, Mikey. The fact that this group calls themselves "Dykes on Bikes" has nothing, whatsoever to do with you. Look on the bright side, your whining about "Dykes on Bikes" made you the runaway winner of our Girlieman of the Week sweepstakes. As thrilling as that is, it gets better, Mikey. If you add this Girlieman of the Week (and Girlieman of the Year) award to your resume, "Dykes on Bikes" might let you march IN the parade, next year.
[If, like King, you're wondering why Ayatollah Phil Burress didn't make the list of contenders, wonder no more. Ayatollah Phil was kicked up several notches. You'll find him enshrined where he really belongs, as our first, Steaming Load of the Year.]
No comments:
Post a Comment
Don't be scared!