The "Am I Gay?" Test

When it comes to a man being gay - you either are straight or you are queer. There is no "in-between" or sorta's, just a little bit's, only sometimes, etc... Just very simple you are or you are not!

You ask - How do you know? Well, most guys just know. But a clue is if you like Babs or Barry you most likely are. The problem is that many times some of the potential meat jockeys get confused and can't find their way out of the closet.

Never Fear! Porcus Maximus over at Politically Incorrect Gazzette, (PIG is great about keeping up with these PSA's) scribbled down some notes and created an easy "Am I gay?" test for any confused queers...

The "Am I gay?" Self Exam for Men

1. If you are over forty, and you have a washboard stomach, you are gay. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet.

2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaming homo. A cat is like a dog,but gay -- it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed.

   And just think about how you call a dog... "Killer, come here! I said get your ass over here, Killer!" Now think about how you call a cat..."Bun-bun, come to daddy, pooky!" Jeeezus, you're fit to be framed, you're so gay.

3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks on bar-B-que ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, crawfish guts, pickled pigs feet, or tits. Anything else and you are in training and undeniably a fag.

4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in aparking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is his bathroom; he defecates and urinates where he pleases.

5. If you drink anything other than regular coffee. A straight man will never be heard ordering a "Decaf Soy Latte". If you've put a Decaf SoyLatte to your lips, you've had a man there, too.

6. If you know more than six names of non standard colors or four different types of dessert other than ice cream and pie, you might aswell be handing out free ass passes. A real man doesn't have memoryspace in his brain to remember all of that crap. If you can pick out chartreuse or you know what a "fressier" is you're gay. And if you canname ANY type of textile other than cotton or denim, you arefaggadocious.

7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you're dying to tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at a slow-ass driver or to cut the jerk off. The rest of the time he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, or hold his beer.

8. If you do not send this off to all the males on your email list because you are afraid of hurting their feelings then you are definitely on the verge on being a fudgepacker.