Why I'm Becoming a Liberal
Because I've given up owning a gun, and I know that my local police are all I need to protect me from murderers and thieves.
Because I'm looking forward to more justices on the Supreme Court like Ruth Bader Ginsberg, who advocates lowering the age of sexual consent between adults and children to twelve years old.
Because I'm looking forward to using the ACLU and the upcoming Obama Supreme Court to allow me to marry whatever I want. As soon as possible, I intend to marry two women, a man, and my dog.
Because I believe oil companies' profits of 4% on a gallon of gas are ‘obscene' but the government taxing the same gallon of gas at over 15% (40% in California) isn't.
Because I believe the government can do a far better job of spending the money I earn than I can.
Because ‘freedom of speech' is fine, as long as no one on the Left is offended by it. Of course, I can be as extreme as I like when I attack conservatives; they deserve it.
Because when Obama pulls our troops out of Iraq, I trust that the Islamic fundamentalist terrorists will stop what they're doing because they now think we're good people.
Because I believe that people who can't tell us if it will rain on Friday are absolutely correct when they tell us that the polar ice caps will melt away in ten years if I don't start driving a Prius.
Because I'm not concerned about the quiet murder of millions of unborn babies each year, as long as we keep all death row inmates and all Qaeda terrorists alive and well-fed.
Because I believe that business should not be allowed to make profits for themselves. They need to break-even, and give the rest to the government for redistribution as it sees fit.
Because I believe liberal judges need to re-write the Constitution every few days to suit some fringe element that would never get their agendas past the voters.
"Liberals are people who will never hesitate to use political power to give away anything that they don't own."
Have you ever read anything so damn accurate?